Humourous writings

NERDS vs. GEEKS an ode to Bill and Steve

Nerds are an extremely smart technology based race that is easily identifiable as they do not fit into the general population very well. The traditional NERD can be identified by magnifier glasses, un-kept hair, plain cotton dress shirt with an assortment of pocket protectors and very bad pants. Conversation involves only the latest in programming languages and the actual probability of star trek technology working. NERDS don’t generally leave the confines of their mother’s basement where they either wreak havoc on the world with their immense brain power or brag on message boards about how much smarter they are than the companies they refuse to work for. They generally don’t do anything else with themselves. The NERD is a dying breed all but extinct, they are realizing slowly that beyond the walls of the basement is a world that is theirs for the taking.

Therefore the NERD has evolved into the GEEK. We GEEKS are un-distinguishable from the general public, forming relationships with the opposite sex, often getting married and learning how to dress. We drive cars and live in homes, using our talents to produce great things for society, we are happy not angry but beware we have realized that using our talent and our smarts we will one day rule this world we live in. For the mean time we will give to the world the greatest inventions and technology for all to use.

How did this happen you ask? Well we have Bill Gates and Steve Jobs to thank for evolving from NERD to GEEK. To you I salute and join you in our undying quest of world domination one piece of technology at a time.

Written by: Matthew Paul Chitty
President/Founder Mk2 Business Solutions

If Architects Had To Work Like Media Designers

A humourous pre read for prospective media clients. Some of the examples in this writing may seem a bit extreme, however it happens in this industry quite often while designing multimedia and web projects. With that in mind enjoy the writing it is quite funny.

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Taken from Biznik.com.

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